Be My Memory
by myonlyheroin
Summary: He first laid eyes on her when she was waiting tables at her daddy's bar, barely twenty-one and looking innocent as hell. He broke her, shattered her, and now ten years later, he's back to repair what he left behind. Written in Epov. FFMH piece.


**Hello guys! Here is my Fandom for mental health piece. This was an absolutely wonderful cause and a great thing to be a part of. I may, at a later date, add on to this once I finish all the rest of my wips. Thank you to those who donated and have already read this piece. For those who haven't, I hope you enjoy.**

 **Thank you to my lovely Beta, Kyla713, and thank you to Mina for the lovely banner.**

Epov

The loud hum of the engine going full throttle between my legs was oddly comforting as I pushed my bike to go faster, harder as I made my way down the highway, dangerously swerving in between cars and trucks. I looked back, taking notice of the other bikes behind me, my brothers who haven't left my side in the last few years. There was Emmett and Jasper coming up to my right side, with Carlisle approaching on my left. We'd been riding for days, all the way up from Texas, and now we were just an hour outside of Seattle.

 _Closer to her._

The last time I saw _her,_ I was twenty-nine, done being a prospect, and had just been fully taken into my MC's fold. The Rebels. When I first walked into Charlie's pub and set my eyes on her long legs, great ass and heart-shaped face that held eyes that were as dark as the deepest chasm.

She hated me instantly. The way she narrowed her eyes at me, bit her lip and turned around to walk away, made me that much more certain that I was to make her mine.

She fought me, turned me down at every turn. Her daddy would occasionally send a glare my way if he saw me in the many times I came to Charlie's bar for a beer. I knew he didn't approve. I could sense it in the way he looked at me and just muttered under his breath each time he walked off.

Eventually, though, I was able to wear my Iz down. It was the night of her twenty-first birthday and her father was holding a party in her honor, while still allowing patrons to come in. I made sure I was there. I walked in, my eyes scanning the place, when I laid eyes on her downing a shot of clear liquid, most likely Vodka, with her girls. She sat the glass down and shook her head in disgust, and then laughed as the bartender filled her up with another. I calmly walked over to her, pulled her hair gently to get her attention. The girls that surrounded her all looked away, like they knew shit was gonna go down, when my Iz laid her eyes on me, looked me up and down, and said, " 'Bout time you showed up, E."

That night changed a lot of things. We finally confessed our feelings, and she let her guard down. She fought her dad, told him she didn't care what he said—she was still going to be with me. We were together for a year, before all hell broke loose and I shattered the only woman I ever truly loved, and she never got to hear those three words from me.

So now, there I was, back in the same bar, staring at the same girl that stole my heart ten years before.

I sat at the bar, refusing to allow some dude with poorly dyed hair, spiked all to hell, to serve me a pint. Instead, I waited on the girl with a heart-shaped face to serve me. She made me wait a while, walking by me several times, and with every pass, her lips were turned up in a devilish smile that seemed to stir something deep inside of me, making me want to know just how bad she could be.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she came up to the bar and stood in front of me. Her long brown hair falling over her shoulders as she confidently looked at me before asking me what she could get me. My mind was instantly clogged with one dirty thought after another. For instance, the urge to tell her that she could walk around the bar, hop on my lap and let me have my way with her was strong, but instead I muttered, "Newcastle, darlin'." She placed my drink in front of me and turned around. I watched her hair swing down her back as she began to sort the shelves.

"Ten years, Iz," I said, my voice sounding gruff.

Iz stood with her back to me, so I couldn't gage what her facial reaction could be, but her body seemed to lock up, her hands clenched up as she stopped wiping down the shelf. I sat there, sipping my cold beer and wondering what was going through her mind. I wanted her to confirm that yeah, it had been ten years, but that she was glad to see me. Which even I knew was a lie.

She finally turned around, and what I saw crushed me. She looked broken. Lost and completely broken. Her eyes seemed so vacant, glassy with unshed tears as she looked at me, shook her head, and walked away.

I stared down at my drink, a million thoughts cruising through my head. Ten years was a long time. I didn't see a ring on her finger, but I was sure someone snatched her up. She'd always been beautiful. At thirty-nine years old and having lived through hell, I was slowly realizing just how much I was living half a life. I could only remain content with the road and my bike, along with the club, for so long. Something was missing. It was the one thing that was always missing and had been for ten years.

My Iz.

Taking the last dregs of my beer, I sat the glass further away from me, hoping to signal Iz for another. As I waited, I thought back to that last night, that last moment, that last kiss.

 _The phone rang, and it was one of those calls that you just_ _know_ _isn't good news, but I answered it anyway and instantly regretted it. It was the one time that I wished that I had chosen my loyalty for my woman over my club._

" _It's done," my chapter's president's voice came through, hushed almost, and then the line went dead. My heart began beating in a frenzy as my breathing faltered. I knew the plan, I knew what I was supposed to do as a prospect, but I stood there, still as a statue._

" _Hey, babe," Iz yelled from down the hall. "Are we still meeting everyone at the bar?" And my heart shattered. I had completely forgotten that we were due to meet up with friends to celebrate Charlie's birthday, and now, I was going to have to leave._

 _What do you say to the girl who is everything to you, that this is goodbye?_

 _I started grabbing things, not having a care as to what they were, and threw them in a bag in front of me. I exhaled slowly as I took in the room that I shared with Iz, in our apartment, and I wondered to myself if it was all worth it, if I'd make it back to fix things with her._

 _My boots sounded loud as I stomped down the stairs, swinging my cut on as I then threw the now full bag over my shoulder._

" _I can't make it, Iz." Her eyes were what gave her away. They dimmed of all happiness and I saw that she knew this was goodbye. She nodded her head and stared down at the floor, and I said nothing else. I just walked past her, away from everything good in my life, and out into a new future that I had no business pursuing. All because of me wanting to belong, wanting a family, and doing anything and everything to achieve that._

 _If only I had known then what I do now, I wouldn't have any regrets._

Funny how memories work. They come and bite you in the fucking ass when you least expect it. I used to always joke with Iz that she would always be my memory. She thought I was stupid for saying such a thing, but it was the truth. She was the first thing that always popped into my head, no matter where I was or what I was doing. She was the only thing I was capable of thinking of.

 _Yeah, I realize I sound like a certified stalker here, but I'm far from it._

It was the result of ten years of thinking of her, wanting her. Ten years of living with a regret I never wanted on my shoulders.

The douche with the bad hair was back. He slid a fresh beer in front of me, and then stood there behind the bar, arms crossed and just staring at me.

 _Fuck this._

"Can I help you, pretty boy?" I asked, throwing a bit of attitude his way.

"You're Edward, aren't you?" he replied, eyes turning into slits.

"That would be me." I took a gulp, set my drink back down, and went right back to glaring at the fucker.

"Why come back?" Douche's stance was all 'I think I'm tough as fuck, but I'm really just a wimp who can't hold his own', as he looked down at me.

"Well, I figured my Iz was due a visit from me." I came off a bit too cocky, but hey, if it got the point across...

"Well, you and your group can get gone. Don't need you here. Don't want you here. And I'm sure as hell betting that _my_ Iz doesn't want you here, either."

 _His_ _Iz? What the fuck is this asshole smoking?_

"Your Iz?"

Just as I asked that, I noticed Charlie out of the corner of my eye, walking toward the bar and looking pissed as all hell.

"Jacob, son, shut the fuck up and go back to the back and restock."

 _So doucheboy has a name._

I took another long gulp of my beer before looking back at Jacob. "You might want to go and do what you're told. Wouldn't want to piss off her daddy."

The asshole flipped me off before walking into the back, Charlie then taking his place.

"You here to fuck up my daughter's heart again, boy?" Charlie's gruff voice met my ears, and it was in that moment that I noticed just how much he'd changed. More gray hair, skinnier than the last time I saw him.

"I don't plan to. Not that I planned to then, either." My answer was a fucked up excuse, a sad as hell excuse, and I knew it. I doubted Charlie would buy it, but it was all I had.

"Don't think she's gonna talk to you. You did a number on my girl."

 _Fuck._

"This is me trying, hoping to make shit right, Charlie. I'll just have to keep coming back every night again, just like last time, until she talks to me again."

"Or kicks your ass out like she did that one time you touched her ass and she didn't approve," he replied, laughing. "We've missed you around here. I wanted better for you, but if the MC is where you wanted to be…" He threw his hands up and shrugged, a classic Charlie mannerism.

"It is. It was." I sighed, rubbing my hand across my forehead for taking another gulp of my beer. "It's so fucking complicated."

"Most things in life usually are." Charlie then placed another beer in front of me. "That one is on the house. I'll go and see if can get her to at least say hi or tell you to fuck off."

I chuckled, shaking my head. She always was good at telling me to fuck off when I got on her nerves.

" _What the hell did you go and do that for, E?" Iz yelled at me, throwing some papers at me before placing her hands on her hips. "Well, asshole?"_

 _I didn't think it was a big deal, but apparently, it was to her. I knew she had a long night at the bar, and that I probably should've put the new title to the bike I traded in and bought upstairs, away from prying eyes. I also knew she wouldn't be happy, seeing as we were saving up for our own place._

" _I thought you said you wouldn't mind if I finally got that custom bike I wanted?" I tried to act innocent, make it seem like I did this for her. "Just think, sex on a bike…" I unleashed a devilish smile, which I'd hoped would make Iz get into a better mood. Obviously, it didn't work._

" _I liked the Harley you had before! That bike was the first bike I had ever been on. And I was on it with you. Why didn't you say anything?"_

 _Well, damn._

 _Iz sat down and pouted. I guessed I'd never thought that it meant that much to her._

" _Babe, we'll just make new memories on this bike. Hell, I'll be nice and even let you name it."_

 _Iz glared at me, flipped me off and walked away._

My third beer was now almost finished, and neither Charlie or Iz had returned. I figured I should just give up for the night and leave. So, I stood up, placed some money next to my unfinished beer and walked over to my boys.

"Think I'm gonna head out, walk this off and go home. See you guys at the compound later. Yeah?"

They all nodded and went back to drinking, but it was Carlisle that actually spoke. "No luck with your woman?"

"I figured she wouldn't talk, but my dumbass had to give it a go."

"Well, if it's any consolation, she's been watching you all night."

I tipped my head, nodding once and turned around and began walking out. I wanted to scan the place, lay eyes on her before I left, but I just kept walking.

The air was cold as I stepped outside. I looked out over the lined up bikes in front of the bar, noticing my custom bike, and wishing, like always, that I had kept that Harley from all those years ago. Maybe then, I'd still have a piece of my Iz. I pulled a cig out of my pocket in my vest and lit up, letting the smoke drag in slowly, fill me, try to numb me. I exhaled slowly, and could've sworn I smelled the perfume _she_ used to wear.

The beers hadn't left me buzzed, but I sat down on a grassy spot on the left side of the bar, ran my fingers through my short beard and up into my hair in frustration. I had hoped that I'd get a warm reception, have an easy night and be able to take Iz back to the compound and have her with me again. She never did make shit easy.

I loved her for that. She never just handed me her love, but what she did give, was worth all the work I put in and then some.

Sometime later, I grabbed my keys and walked over to my bike. I stopped short when I saw that Iz was sitting on it, her legs astride, her hands on the handlebars. It was a magnificent sight. She'd only been on that bike once before I left. She hated it and refused to ride with me on it. I missed her being at my bike, her arms around me, holding me tightly as we drove along, taking all the twists and turns with the wind blowing in our faces and through our hair.

We were free then. Life didn't hold us down so much then.

She turned her head and noticed me, her eyes holding some sadness with a little bit of hope. "Do you think you could give me a ride home?" she asked quietly.

I nodded my head, grabbing the extra helmet I had on the side of my bike and handing it to her. She slid back, and then I got on, starting it up and revving the engine. The bike slowly lurched forward as I began to pull out of the parking lot. Iz's arms slowly rounded around my waist, her body pressed against my back.

"I live at my dad's now. Still the same place as when we first met." I nodded, and took a right down the road. At the first stop light, I felt her crush me to her tightly, squeezing as hard as she could. "I missed you, E."

My chest felt constricted at her admission. I took one of my hands off the handlebars and placed it on hers where it rested on my waist, and squeezed three times. She'd know what it meant.

We drove along the winding road for another twenty minutes before I pulled up to her dad's house. I turned off the bike so she could climb off, but she just sat behind me, still holding on, almost as if she was afraid to let me go.

"Iz? You okay?" I asked, my hands lowering down to where hers were and entwined our fingers.

She nodded and then began to get off my bike. I watched her take off the helmet and pass it to me before she bent over to kiss my cheek softly, and walked up to her dad's place and in through the door. I wasn't sure how long I sat there, but eventually, I drove off and home to the compound. Once there, I took off my leather vest, stripped down to my boxers and collapsed into bed.

The next day I called into the bar, hoping Charlie would answer, but instead, I was met with doucheboy.

After he answered, I might have been a bit rude. I obviously gave no fucks. "Iz coming in?"

"She isn't here."

"I didn't ask if she was there. I asked if she is coming in."

"What does it matter to you if my girl is coming in or not?"

"I highly fucking doubt she's your girl, but it matters because she's mine. Always has been mine. I'm coming to get what is mine."

"Fuck you." I guessed doucheboy didn't like that, judging by the fact that he hung up on me.

I figured I'd wait until nightfall to hit the bar again. I went to the same stool and sat down, waiting for Bella. I wasn't disappointed. She came around the bar and placed a cold Newcastle in front of me, bent across the table to kiss my cheek, this time closer to my lips.

"Ten years, Iz, and so many regrets," I admitted, sipping my beer.

Her eyes grew soft as she pulled back. "Ten years, E. Ten years to make up for." Bella walked away and began to serve others, while I pondered if that meant she was opening up to a new start.

I wouldn't get my answer about new start for a few more weeks. I returned to the bar every night, watching and waiting for her. She never talked to me, but she'd always have my Newcastle waiting at the stool for me. I never got more than a glance or two, maybe a small smile, but she hid behind the wall she'd built around herself and the hurt in her eyes.

It was about two months later when I walked into the bar and felt change. It was a good kind of change, not some foreboding sense of change. I felt lighter the more steps I took towards my stool and eyed the Newcastle sitting there waiting for me. My eyes wandered around the bar, finally settling on her as she talked to a customer. She glanced over, gave me a blinding smile and a small wave.

Charlie never made an appearance since the first night I came into the bar and began my operation of getting my Iz back. My night was cut short by a pretty woman with a heart-shaped face that could kiss like no other.

She was out on my bike again, that time, helmet on as she waited for me. I decided then that I wasn't taking her home; I was taking her back to the compound.

I made sure her helmet was snug, grabbed her face and yanked her towards me, kissing her lips full on. Hard, demanding, sucking in that bottom lip just like I used to, and listened for her breath to hitch the second my tongue met hers. Again, I wasn't disappointed.

"Compound," was all I said before I climbed on my bike, started it up and drove like a bat out of hell towards home.

Once I brought her back through to my room, I let her eyes wander my walls. I knew the second she found the one picture that meant anything to me when she let out a sob. It was a picture of us from ten years before, outside Charlie's. Her ass was planted on my old Harley, huge smile on her face while she had her arms wrapped around me. I had longer hair then, my scruffy beard, shades on, but there was no mistaking my happiness of having her on my bike.

That picture showed what heaven was like.

"You still have it? After all these years?" she asked, a tear escaping down the right side of her cheek.

"Yeah, Iz," I whispered. "You've always been with me. In my heart, my soul. My memory." I walked toward her, grabbing her hands to pull her to me and wipe away that lonesome tear.

"Why?" She sobbed. "Why did you just up and leave me all those years ago. I loved you!"

I sighed, hoping that my admission wouldn't fuck up the whole night. "I forgot to place the woman I loved, and still love, above everything. Above me, my club, my life. I fucked up, Iz. I more than fucked up. I went with what our then president wanted and ended up in prison for the last nine years for some things I'm really not fucking proud of."

She was quiet, too quiet, so I continued on. "I never really wanted to leave you. I know this is a weak ass excuse, but I didn't, but I think my sense of wanting to belong, wanting a family was stronger."

She hit me then, rage overtaking her features. "We could've had a family, you asshole! I should've been good enough to be that shelter, that place for you. I know you wanted the MC, but… " Bella slunk down on to my bed, shoulders hunched.

I sat down next to her, grabbing her hand and entwining our fingers. "I know, Iz. I know that now, and I shouldn't have been afraid and just embraced it. But I guess I thought I was invincible and would be able to come back to you after all was said and done. I was stupid."

She said nothing for a long while, just sat there, slowly running her fingers up and down mine in our clasped hands.

"Why now? Why are you back now? I mean… I hoped and wished." She turned her head, her eyes sad, and then laid her head down on my shoulder.

"I'm here to fix us. To give us the life we should've had. The one I was too immature then to grasp. But I am back, and I fucking promise there will not be another goodbye, nor will my MC come before you again."

Bella lunged for me, wrapping her arms around me and kissed me with all she had. Her fingers ran down my neck, softly digging her nails in as she went. She pulled my vest off, letting it fall to the floor. My shirt was next, and then she abruptly stopped and ran her finger over the ink across my heart. It was simple and only in black ink. But it was a swan with a flowing script that had two simple words. _'My Iz'_. Bella kissed my lips harshly, and then kissed my tattoo, her tongue darting out to taste my skin.

My fingers ran up her back, slowly bringing up her shirt. I tossed it somewhere on the floor, and her bra followed next.

We took our time, shedding each other of our clothes, kissing whatever available skin we could find. Moans and short breaths escaped us as our fingers and tongues explored. I rolled her over, pressing her down into the bed as my body aligned with hers. I pushed my cock in roughly, eliciting that sharp, deep moan she'd always unleash the minute I'd get inside her.

I pushed deep, slowly stroking in and out. I held my weight up so I could watch her face as I slowly made the sweetest, yet harshest love to her. Hoping that I was re-branding myself inside of her, never to be replaced.

"Tell me you're always mine, Iz," I demanded as I pounded in a bit harder. "Tell me you know that I've always loved you."

My fingers ran down her neck, down her sternum, across her belly button until I reached her clit and began rubbing in soft, slow circles.

"Tell me that you love me. I need it, Iz. I need my Iz back."

A traitorous tear made its way down the side of her face.

"I want my E back, too." She pushed back against me the next thrust that I gave. "I want to hear that you love me and that I will always be yours."

I quickened my pace, grunting as my finger continued to play with clit, harder and faster until I felt the telltale signs of her walls clamping down around me. I watched in absolute rapture as her body arched against me as she gave in to her orgasm. It was beauty and torture all at once. I thrust in one last time, groaning out my release. I kissed her neck softly, whispering my love for her.

I pulled back and looked down at her, kissed her lips and we both at the same time admitted that I was hers, and she was mine.

Ten years. A decade of regret. But now, I had my Iz back, and I had ten years to make up for.

I'd better get started.


End file.
